I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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