I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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