I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I smell like Dick and happiness
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