Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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