Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize