i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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