I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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