if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
