I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
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Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
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Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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