Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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