Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
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Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
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Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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