Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.