Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.