I want to have your abortion
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I could make wine with my vomit
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.