Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.