I puked a lego.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
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Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
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im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina