sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
