Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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