so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
