did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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