Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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