): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
