there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
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went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
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Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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