Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
