these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
