I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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