this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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