i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
