could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
