my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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