so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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