i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
