Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
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This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
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For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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