I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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