WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
