CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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