I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
