apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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