My nipple is on Facebook.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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