two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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