This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
