Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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