I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize