Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Are we still banned from the library?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
