I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
