i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It's just like the Real World with babies
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
