Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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