Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?