Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️