...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.