I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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