I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
gay sex achievement: unlocked
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...