and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
This Twitter User’s Story About Meeting A Notorious Serial Killer Will Leave You Shook
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
20+ Wholesome Memes You Need In Your Life Right Now
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.