nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
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Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
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I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart