She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again