I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby