you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
