You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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