You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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