Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize